I see him at work every day, for the past year he’s been walking around talking to everyone he crosses paths with. When I see him I keep my head down and walk faster. He’s talked to me once, while waiting in line for water. I awkwardly laughed and walked away like a fucking loser. I call my girlfriend and ask her “how the hell do I talk to him?” “What do I say?” The only thing I can think of is I LIKE PIZZA! You would think at 26 years old with a child…I would know how to talk to men! I am probably the shyest person you will ever meet if you put me in front of a man I find attractive.
If you’re a single mother like me that has cut yourself off from men for the longest time to repair yourself from any previous relationship, then you’ll understand how hard it is to “get back out there”. It’s so hard to start all over when you’ve come out of a long term relationship. It’s hard to think of topics to talk about, it’s hard to talk about anything else besides your child! We have to put our best foot forward and get to know someone ALL over again! It’s exhausting, we have to sit there and think of what we like to do on our “spare” time. I’m just like OMG can we just get to where we’re comfortable already and I’m stuffing tacos in my mouth not acting like a proper lady??? Dating or even trying to date is so hard, and don’t even get me started on coordinating a date when you have your child 100% of the time. They’re asking when you’re free and we’re like…well between cheer practices, parent teacher conferences, oh and that trolls movie she wants to watch this weekend? I’d say in 2 weeks? Lol Now I can’t say that dating is ALL bad, it can be really fun to open yourself up to dating. You get to meet new people, maybe you don’t click on a romantic level bur you stay friends. You get to enjoy a night out in the city and maybe try a new spot you would’ve never tried yourself. Us single mothers should “get comfortable with being uncomfortable”. Yup you read that right. You will never know what’s waiting on the other side of something scary if you don’t just give it a shot. I know you’re tired of trying to find the “one”. I know you’re busy being a mom and I know you’re scheduling play dates, but how about we don’t forget to schedule our own play dates?
The next morning I walked into work with a goal! I decided I was going to stop thinking too much, I was going to stop being shy and I was going to be uncomfortable. I told myself, there’s nothing wrong with just making a new friend, even if you find them attractive. I said “Caya, you’re going to climb your OWN wall and see what’s on the other side”. I went downstairs to the cafeteria to get coffee and I saw him walk bye…I turned around and said “good morning”. For now that was enough to Caya_Te & Live!