I remember walking in to the doctors office after I had my daughter, my mother was with me because I had no idea what I was doing. I sat there as the doctor directed all his questions to my mom. I kept answering them but he wouldn’t talk to me, I wanted to yell “HELLO, I’M THE MOTHER’’. I felt so embarrassed and insecure, they always mistake her for my little sister. This wasn’t the first time I felt this way. I remember being at the mall and feeling the stares as I tried to get that damn stroller out of my car mid June in Arizona, god that was such an uncomfortable feeling.
As I reflect on these times and what made me angry it wasn’t the doctor completely ignoring my presence or the stares at the mall, it was my insecurity as a mother. I wondered if people judged me for being by myself with a baby but really I was judging myself for being a young single mother. While all my friends were off at college joining sororities and picking out their classes, I was figuring out how to buy diapers and formula for the week.
Being a young mother is hard, being a young single mother is even harder. When we think of mothers we think of women who have life figured out, we think of the famous quote “mother knows best”. How can we know best if we don’t have life figured out? We are still immature, making immature decisions and trying to raise a child when we have so much growing to do ourselves. We grow up with our kids, we go through life figuring it out together.
Time heals all, in time you will go to doctors appointments all by yourself and you will know every cut, bruise and fever your child has. In time you will learn how to set up that damn stroller all by yourself. In time you will go back to school and learn how to balance a career. You will make many mistakes as a mother and as a woman but in return you will gain the wisdom that will fool every one into thinking you have life figured out (you won’t though lol).
I walked into my lash appointment and my lash lady asked me where my little sister was? I smiled at her, I already knew who she was talking about. I’ve been asked this question many times before. When I told her she was my daughter she responded with “you’re too young to have a kid” I laughed. I wasn’t bothered, I wasn’t triggered, I was flattered. I no longer felt that mommy insecurity.